Well Meant Advice

One of my best friends is at the wheel of her car, listening to my story of the end of my relationship with Bennett (Bennett Bites the Dust).  Susie is a long-married woman who relishes all the diverting details of my single life.  Every time we get together, she gets that gleam in her eye, the one that says, “Time for some vicarious pleasure.”  Then she asks, “What’s up?”

She’s the friend who gave me the book, Getting Naked AgainThis means she has insider information on my angst wrapped around that topic.

When I finish telling her about his last email, she turns her head away from the road, toward me, and says, “Why don’t you just…”

I know from her voice exactly what she’s going to say next.  I turn to face her in the car, jab my finger at her and say, “Don’t you dare say one more word!  Stop right there!”

I’ve never spoken to her like this before.  Quite possibly I’ve never spoken to any of my friends like this before.  While I’m not shouting, there’s a fierceness to my tone that astonishes both of us.

Her hands tighten on the steering wheel and her eyes shoot straight ahead to the road.

I continue in the same tone.  “You were about to advise me to just get it over with, have sex with one of these guys.  Right?”

Her eyes are wide, her spine stiff.  She nods her head slightly up and down, “Yes”.

“You think it would be a good idea for me to have sex with some guy whose touch leaves me cold?  You think I should just get naked, just do it, with someone who doesn’t arouse me in the least?”

She’s wise, my friend Susie.  She doesn’t say a word, just lets me rant.

“Where would that get me?  What would that do for the poor schmuck who’s in bed with me? A good time would be had by all, huh?”

Susie is wise, truly, with a generous heart.  This just wasn’t one of our better moments for either of us.  Her well-meant advice was dropped, never to be raised again.  I hope.

10 thoughts on “Well Meant Advice

  1. It seems that well meaning friends often just want so much for us to be with someone. I once had a blind date with a short, unattractive man that a good friend arranged…..when I wasn’t interested she was aghast. After all I was single and apparently should be grateful for any type of relationship…..I finally asked her if SHE would go out with him and she quietly replied no….but she thought he was good enough for me.

  2. I was not picky in the days when the hormones had more power. It’s a relief to be done with it, really. No more running to the store for tampons before the party. No more tachycardia when the body heads down a path that the mind rejects. Welcome cronehood!

  3. I once had a date tell me that they knew that we had chemistry in the first 15 seconds of meeting. For them it was “love at first site” and could be no other way. Others say that chemistry comes with time. And that they could find chemistry with any person given time. So the question I have: what if both of them are right? May be it is just about how long you are willing to wait?

    • Hi Currious: I’ve known love at first sight. Just read Some Enchanted Evening for proof of that (Okay, maybe it was lust that grew into love). I’ve also had love grow over time, but the timeline was short. Guess I’ve never had the patience to find out if I could find chemistry with anyone if I gave them enough of a chance. I’ll admit to the failing of impatience.

  4. There is sex for love and there is sex for the sake of sex. For either… this requires someone that I am attracted to (short or long term)

    So good for you for holding your ground. Wait until the earth moves or you’re feeling naughty. Otherwise, it’s just not worth it.

    • Hi Zorki: With me, that feeling of naughtiness has never hit me and the man I’m with at the same time. Therein likes the rub – or lack thereof.

  5. I’m putting words in her mouth, but..I’d like to think your friend Susie wasn’t talking about jumping the first male available, rather she was pointing out that life doesn’t always reward those who want to have all their emotional ducks in a row before taking that first larger step towards intimacy. I’m groping (no pun, please forgive) for a phrase, something like “sometimes you have to leap off the cliff and build your wings on the way down.” You’ve commented on persons in your life who didn’t turn out to be as you believed/relied/expected, so you know that even if all the desired elements are there, you can be wrong. Susie might say…give yourself a chance to fail, and be easy on yourself if you do.

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