50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

Alan, my former husband, and I concocted our fantasy business while idling in coffee shops and wine bars.  The mission of this company was to help broken-hearted lovers bring closure, dramatic and final, to their relationships.  We were inspired by Paul Simon to help people in pain with their struggle to be free.  We, of course, were never going to be in pain, never struggling to be free.

We never came up with more than 10 ways to leave your lover.  One of them involved this poem which floated in Alan’s head, continually shifting.  My apologies to the unknown original poet.  I hope I haven’t butchered your creation too much.

Love and the Lost Rose

 As I look across the still, dark grave of Eros
I can see by your incurious eyes
that I am but one of many poets
who has sung soft praises of your beauty.

Lasting love never bloomed in your heart from
the tender syllables I whispered in your ear.
So, you are leaving me now,
and as you turn to go for this, the last time,
take with you this rose.

As its red petals fade and fall,
and as its green leaves shrivel and drop
like the days of our love,

Take what is left,
this long,
thorny stem
and shove it up your ass.

I never got to use this, even though love shriveled in Alan’s heart.  How could I, since the idea was his?

Take it, it’s yours now.  Use it as you see fit.  If it releases the pain at all, if it sets you free just a bit, let me know.

And let me know how to really leave a lover.




8 thoughts on “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

  1. I have no idea on how to leave a lover but mine sure picked a crappy way. On December 23rd I received an email that said in a few words our relationship of four years was over and he did not want to see or talk to me. I have just copied the poem and I’m on the way to the florists. Guess where my next stop will be.

    Thanks for this great way to satisfy my anger.


    • Hi Patty: I’m so, so sorry. His sounds like a senselessly cruel leave taking. Yours will be sharp, clever and final. I hope it works for you. My heart is with you.

  2. HA!
    50 ways to leave your lover – empowered maybe?
    And here is another poem someone sent me just a few days ago. Someone is going to be very lucky when they find you, Georgia.

    Annunciation- by Marie Howe

    Even if I don’t see it again- nor ever feel it
    I know it is- and that if once it hailed me
    it ever does-

    and so it is myself I want to turn in that direction
    not as toward a place, but it was a tilting
    within myself,

    as one turns a mirror to flash the light to where
    it isn’t- I was blinded like that- and swam
    in what shone at me

    only able to endure it by being no one and so
    specifically myself I thought I’d die
    from being loved like that.

  3. I never really left a lover. Had some leave me. Always seemed to make sense at the time. Wouldn’t know how to do it well, if there actually is a way. I would be too logical, the pain would be deep, but somewhere else. I would be sad, not angry – thinking of all the time spent.

    • Hi Jimmy: Your experience is exactly what I want to hear about. How do you leave someone who has already left you? I think our friend Patty (see her earlier comment) would like to know, as well.

  4. Georgia,

    I am certain I couldn’t come up with creative ways to leave your lover but i sure do think it is a great idea for a company. Please give it serious thought and if you want to organize the formation of 50 Ways to Leave your Lover, Inc, count me in.

    Thanks for putting a smile on my face.


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