One Man’s Viewpoint

Before starting The Diary of the Vixen Divorcee, I emailed my friend, Reggie, to check out what he thought of my idea of a blog about life as a single woman.  Typical man, he translated it into a blog about sex.  This is his response, except that I edited his choice of a photo; his was too racy for my diary.

The perfect morning to sit down and answer your mail.  It’s heavenly outside.  A balmy, wet, warm front is in the area.  Very feminine, this kind of weather.  Warm, wet, still, mysterious, close and yet the essence of it standing at a remove.  You know something’s coming.  A good day to sit in the window early in the morning with the clothes line strung with pearls.

As to blogs?  No doubt there are many fascinating, wonderfully written ones out there. The same can be said for television.  Fine programing airs all the time.  But I don’t want to bother looking for it.  I’m just not in that mode.  The whole notion of blogs and television doesn’t interest me.  There’s so much rubbish in them both, so much drivel, I’m not in the least interested in ferreting out the good stuff hidden in the heap.

And yet.  If I knew of a good one, if a good one were to drop in my lap, especially if it were by one I knew and wanted to keep in touch with, then I would definitely subscribe to it.  In your case?  Erotica by Georgia Stone?  Sign Me Up!

That is to say, if you are thinking of starting a blog of erotica, by all means move ahead with it.  I can’t wait to see where you’ll go with it.

And while we’re on the subject?  An erotic blog is custom-made for these times we’re in. Especially (Hate to say it) at our age.  I think my days of real life erotica are about over. And ‘Hate to say it’ doesn’t even begin to describe the disappointment.  But it’s true.  I’ve about given up on the whole thing.  Love and Romance have never seemed further afield, further out of reach.  Lady Lust still rides on my shoulder.  But that’s the cruel part.  The most painful irony of all?  The one that assaults me damn near daily?

"She's not too young for me. But I'm too old for her."

And it doesn’t get better.  It only gets worse. There are lots of good looking women my age out here.  But they’re all taken.  Especially here in suburbia.  Match.com?  I just can’t.  It seems like the listing of the leftovers.  The refuse pile.  The scratch and dents.  I call it Dent-and-Scratch.com

So what I’m getting at is erotica.  There’s heaps and heaps of erotica out there if you don’t mind the fantasy.  Sex with yourself is nowhere near as interesting and not all that satisfying but it’s a whole lot simpler and it sure has that going for it.

Is there anything more pitiful than men masturbating in front of the computer?  I suppose it’s nothing new.  Only the form has changed.  Before it was a magazine. Before that a postcard.  Before that a painting, a vase.  At least it’s not a trench coat on the school grounds.  And that’s what I mean about it.  At least it’s private. It’s a bodily function.  Just go take care of it and get on with your life.

I’ve tried the ‘friends with benefits’ thing and it never seems to work.  Somebody always gets hurt.  And in a small town like out here?  You quickly get a reputation.  And I think I’ve got one.  I tell you I’ve never had more trouble, less success, getting something going in all my days.  It’s like I’ve got this sticker on my forehead “Stay Clear!”  I would love to Google the Grapevine for Reggie.  I’d probably come up: “Reggie?  Fuck!  Are you kidding me?  He’s dated every woman in this town.  Tongues wag stories of him on every corner.”

So back to the point, erotica is where it’s at.  And blogging it is perfect.  The ugly, raunchy, cold-hearted, fuck-them-to-death kind of sex that is out there on the web deep as Antarctic ice is truly frightening.  And who is it serving?  It’s only out there in such staggering quantities because it’s making money.  And gobs of it.

And who is it serving?  Men.  I’d betcha women make up a tiny portion of the consumers of it.  They’re making money off it to be sure.  But it’s not geared to them.  It’s geared to all the lonely horny hearts of men out there.

Ok, enough.  I’m digging myself into a hole and it’s a beautiful day outside.  I must be about it.

Love you always, even with all your clothes on.

Reggie
P.S. So, a resounding YES, Georgia.  Give us something good.  Give the world a drop of fine wine in this ghastly salty sea.

This is Georgia, again.  Dare I ask the question?  Am I giving you a drop of fine wine in a ghastly salty sea?

If you’re interested in the thoughts of a man half Reggie’s age, read Porn Addiction and the Fall of Men, from Matt Savage’s blog.

 

12 thoughts on “One Man’s Viewpoint

  1. Wow. I think Reggie is right on. I’m not out there like he is, but the feelings are the same. I can’t figure out hardcore either, but erotica, that’s a different story. Oh for the days when lust and romance combined. If only men’s brains lusted in some kind of practical way. No chance I guess. Evolution can be cruel.

  2. Dear Readers,

    This post does not relate to One Man’s Viewpoint, which I thoroughly enjoyed and will comment upon later, but to the prize given to one lucky subscriber and me.

    I received an email from Georgia today with the most wonderful gift, a copy of her short story, Chateau de Beaufort. I received this because of my dismay over not winning the contest. I want to share with all of you the email I sent her after reading the story:

    Georgia,
    I am not only surprised but completely delighted to have received your story. I have found your writing within the Vixen Diaries to be rich and rewarding and at appropriate times erotic. I have just finished reading Chateau and I believe you have written the quintessential erotic story. I was immediately transported to the Chateau. I could feel the heat, smell the grass, see the colors bounce off the pool. Most of all I could feel and taste the erotic delights offered to your two lovers.

    Anyone who wants to understand the difference between erotic and pornographic story telling just needs to read this most wonderful story.

    I am counting the minutes until my lover comes home and I can read to her your lyrical, graphic and musical words. I am fantasizing on what may happen once the reading is done.

    I am deeply grateful for your sharing your gift.
    John

    • Hi John: Thank you so much for your generous and beautifully phrased praise of Chateau de Beaufort. The only previous reader of this story, my ex-husband, was highly biased in its favor when he read it, so I truly had no idea how someone with no relation to me would react. Thank you for affirming the value of what I’ve written.

      I look forward to your comments about One Man’s Viewpoint.

      A note to the rest of my readers; the person whose name Marlys pulled out of the bowl on December 20th declined the prize, stating that due to her overly busy life, she wouldn’t have any time to savor the story. Since John had been kind enough to leave a comment about his disappointment at not receiving the prize, I sent it along to him.

      I’m planning another incentive to subscribe and recruit subscribers for February, so keep reading and getting others to read.

  3. My two cents…at our age, our imaginations are amazingly powerful. I onced posed the question to my lover, if you could choose between being able to read and being able to enjoy sex, which would you choose. Mind you, you could not have both. It was one or the other. To enjoy sex you had to give up the ability to read. They quickly said they would give up sex, because they would always be able to read about it. And, quite frankly, more often than not, reading about sex was better than the real thing. AhHa! A moment of empiphany in our relationship. We took to reading classy erotica in bed. And I will let your imagination decide how the reading impacted the real thing.

    I for one am looking forward for another chance to add your writings to my library.

    • Hi Currious,

      When I was reading through the comments I noticed something that “caught-me-eye” You share with us that you “once posed a question to your lover”. ( read here singular) you then go on and share with us: “They quickly said they would give up sex, because they would always be able to read about it.” ( Note “they!) Is there a story here you could share!
      I do enjoy your comments Curious.

      Thanks,

      BF

  4. Georgia,

    It is the first day of 2012, the sun is high in the sky, as high as it should be for this time of year, and life is good. As promised, I have reread your post and here are my thoughts.

    Your request to Reggie was clear; what were his thoughts on your idea of a blog about life as a single woman. He makes the bold assumption that this will be a blog about sex. A large leap from your query but one that opens many doors. One can assume Reggie is either fixated on sex or he has been exposed to some of your erotic writings and wants more. For whatever reason the leap was made and the door is open.

    Repeating what I stated before, I have found your writing within the Vixen Diaries to be rich and rewarding and at appropriate times erotic. I have never considered your blog to be an erotic destination but a blog that, thus far, has stayed the course of your stated intentions; that of a diary telling stories of adventure, romance and mystery told through the eyes of a middle aged divorcee. A course I hope you stay.

    You pose the question, are you giving your readers a drop of fine wine in the midst of a ghastly salty sea? My answer, a resounding yes, you are giving more than drops. At times your stories are touching, funny, sad, insightful and yes erotic. The one consistent theme is these are your life stories through your eyes and most importantly, they are themes we all face. It is a treasure to have another persons reaction to life’s challenges and not be given the typical ” advice” most writers try to dispense.

    Should the diary jump into the salty sea of eroticism or occasionally drift upon its currents? My vote is stay the main course and when life directs follow the erotic current and offer up glasses not drops of wine. I love all the directions your stories take me.

    (Note to Georgia: I certainly am not ruling out a separate vehicle for your erotic writings as I do want more! The Chateau is with me still.)

    Last comment. On the subject of pornography vs erotica, I feel Gloria Steinem has addressed the issue better than any quote on the subject I have read:

    “Pornography is about dominance and often pain. Erotica is about mutuality and always pleasure. Any man able to empathize with women can easily tell the difference by looking at a photograph or film and putting himself in the woman’s skin.”

    Have a wonderful and loving New Year Georgia

    • Hi John: Thank you for your carefully considered response to One Man’s Viewpoint. As you recommended, I will be staying the course of telling stories of adventure, romance and mystery. What I intend to do with my collection of erotic stories is one of the mysteries.

      I appreciate the Gloria Steinem quote, which makes the distinction between erotica and pornography remarkably clear.

      Happy New Year to you, too.

  5. Georgia,
    It has been fun and interesting reading through the comments from all the posts. I felt that this particular posting presents the reader with the most interesting questions; what is erotica, what is pornography, how different are men and women in their views of the two; in general, how to make sense of that great divide between men and women. To answer that question, I asked what parameters can be looked at objectively to help understand the great divide. I settled upon looking at the difference between arousal and desire and how they may differ between M&F.
    On my quest, I came across some research that I found interesting. The work was conducted by a Canadian, Dr. Chivers. Her research focuses on understanding how women can be physically aroused by a touch, a look,( think here the Addled posts) a sound, or, for that matter, a wide variety of sexual imagery but, although physically aroused, many times women will not feel any desire. Her innovative approach has made her a major player in her field; she is charting new territory in the understanding of the disconnect that can occur between the vagina and brain.
    For her initial study, she first made a tape of two bonobos having intercourse. Then she assembled videos of two men having sex, two women have sex and a man and a woman copulating. Content varied by the sex of the actors (male or female) and the type of sexual activity depicted (oral or penetrative sex). Each participant saw films featuring female-female oral sex, female-female penetration (with a strap-on dildo), male-female cunnilingus, male-female penetration (penile-vaginal), male-male fellatio, and male-male penetration (penile-anal.).
    Female volunteers sat comfortably in a private room while they watched the libidinous apes and the other sexual videos.
    The women had inserted a plethysmograph that measures blood flow into their vaginas. Any increase in blood flow leads to lubrication and is a sign of sexual arousal.
    The women were also given a keypad to register their level of desire. While the probes revealed that women were physically aroused by the mating bonobos as well as all of the other tapes, they reported, via their keypads, that they were not experiencing any level of desire.
    The same phenomenon has been demonstrated by other researchers, although Dr. Chivers was the first to use animal sex videos.
    Women, she says, are physically aroused by non-specific stimuli, everything from copulating primates to two men having sex. Even rape scenes can trigger a physical response.
    But physical arousal didn’t equate to desire.
    The men who took part in the experiment, on the other hand, didn’t get aroused when they watched bonobo sex, and if they were straight, they weren’t stimulated by images of two males having sex. They did get aroused watching two women have sex or a man and a woman copulating. When the men reported their level of desire using their keypads, it corresponded to what was happening with their penises.
    Dr. Chivers’s work helps explain why Viagra and similar drugs work for men, but why no one has yet come up with one that is effective for women. Those drugs help to improve the blood flow to the genitals, which for women, doesn’t equate with feeling desire.
    She wanted to understand how the two components of the female sexual response — brain/desire and body/arousal — fit together.
    Dr. Chivers looked at the question from an evolutionary standpoint. As modern humans evolved, women who became lubricated at the slightest sexual signal would have been less likely to get injured or to contract diseases during sex, especially if it was forced on them. It could be a protective mechanism.
    But that kind of system would need checks and balances. Given that pregnancy and childbirth consume so much energy, indiscriminate sex isn’t a good strategy. Women need to be choosy about who might father their baby. Maybe it makes sense for women’s sexual motivation not to be so connected to their physical response.
    Dr. Chivers is now analyzing data from an experiment in which volunteers listened to erotic tapes. The scenarios do get very graphic. She wants to know if listening to a story about sex is as arousing for women as watching explicit videos. She is also curious to see whether the idea of sex with a stranger is more stimulating than imagining a romp with a long-time partner.
    In the future, she hopes to investigate whether the genital arousal female volunteers experience during her experiments leads to greater sexual activity in the days that follow. This will help her learn more about the connections between arousal and desire. She also wants to follow up on her hunch that for women, feeling desire is an important component of lust. She says she hopes her work will give women insight into their sexuality and, ultimately, help them have better sex.
    Are women from Venus and men from Mars? Please help me out here.

    • Hi Big Fan: Thank you for confirming what I’ve suspected, that the sexual trigger for women is more complex than it is for men. How wonderful that a scientist is finally focusing on understanding female desire. I wish Dr. Chivers the best as she delves further into this complicated research.

      FYI, Venus and Mars were illicit lovers. Their bastard child was Cupid.

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